Top 50 Things You Know You Are Gay

  1. You wear the appropriate underwear for each of your dates.
  2. You understand the subtle differences between at least 20 brands of vodka.
  3. You understand the immense importance of good (or bad) lighting.
  4. You are in a crowded bar and can still spot a toupee from 50 yards away.
  5. You can tell a woman you love her bathing suit and really MEAN her bathing suit.
  6. You can tell a woman she has lipstick on her teeth without embarrassing her.
  7. You have pictures of naked men you don't know in your home.
  8. You have pictures of naked men you don't know in your home and on your computer.
  9. You have pictures of naked men you DO know in your home.
  10. You understand why the good Lord created Spandex.
  11. You understand why the good Lord did not intend everyone to wear Spandex.
  12. You know the difference between a latte, cappuccino, cafe au lait and a macchiato. And if you don't, you know how to fake it.
  13. You know how to get back at just about everyone.
  14. Your pets always have great names.
  15. Nobody expects you to change a tire.
  16. You're the only guy who gets to do the "Cosmo" quizzes.
  17. You know how to get a waiter's attention.
  18. You only wear polyester when you MEAN to.
  19. At any given instant, you can recite who was gay since the dawn of history.
  20. You are, hands down, your nephew's and nieces' favorite uncle.
  21. You can tell your sexual compatibility with a potential partner by the way he holds his drink.
  22. You can smile in such a way to let someone know you can't stand them.
  23. You wouldn't be caught dead in Hooters.
  24. You can freeze an approaching bar troll twenty feet away.
  25. You're good pals with women other people can't stand.
  26. You've always got an opinion, and don't mind sharing it.
  27. You've read the book, seen the movie, done the musical.
  28. You know how to "air kiss".
  29. You know exactly which cosmetic surgery to consider having...and the perfect excuse to give people who ask where you've been for two weeks.
  30. You know how to dress strategically.
  31. You know when to move out and move on.
  32. You are the only one at the class reunion who looks better than you did in high school.
  33. You've got at least one framed picture of a pet.
  34. You know that being called a "cheap slut" isn't necessarily an insult.
  35. You wouldn't buy someone a mug for his/her birthday.
  36. You know which wine to bring.
  37. Sales clerks don't mess with you.
  38. You have a medicine chest stocked for any occasion.
  39. You never hold a grudge for longer than a decade.
  40. You've just about defeated the accent you were born with.
  41. You know the way to a man's heart is not necessarily through his stomach.
  42. You choose the most fabulous greeting cards.
  43. You know every film ever made with male frontal nudity.
  44. You've got sunscreen at every conceivable SPF level.
  45. You have the latest International Male catalog.
  46. You wouldn't dream of dressing out of the latest International Male catalog.
  47. You can be bitchy without anyone blaming it on biology.
  48. You know who Barbra, Bette and Liza are.
  49. You know the correct way to spell Barbra, Bette and Liza.
  50. You send this list to another male